Monday, 8 October 2007

I want to smack Gordon Brown's cowardly Scoittish face with a spade

I almost cried on Saturday night. On the train. In public.

When I heard Gordon Brown wasn't calling an election this year I knew it was over. We'll get two years of proper Labour Government and then - yuck - David Cunteron will be our Prime Minister.

GB has fucked up in myriad ways through this one errant decision. Not least of his, and hence our, problems is that it looks like he is perverting the democratic process. This is probably because he is perverting it.

Of course there is no need for him to call an election. But it looks suspiciously like he thought about having one when he thought he could win, then pussied out because he thought he'd lose.

In my humble opinion, Labour has a very very slim chance of winning the next General Election. I have actually taken the time to work out what is required for them to do so, and I plan on sending a detailed letter to whoever runs Labour campaigns and strategy ATM. Yes, I do think rather highly of myself, thankyou for noticing.

In other news, I'm sorry I haven't blogged for a while. It was mostly because I was getting drunk (NB: I got 'special' pissed last night. I was at least an eight on the drunkenness scale I invented - where 6-7 is 'danger', 9 is 'shameful' and 10 is unconscious.). Partly, however, it was because of which is, put succinctly, brilliant.

In yet more news, a position has recently opened for the post of 'Jon's Woman'. The succesful applicant will be clever, funny, honest, nice to look at, a bit of a pisshead and will not mind being my girlfriend for a bit. A full, clean driving license is preferred, and the ideal applicant will enjoy occasional recreational drug use and frequent sex.

The deadline for applications is any time before my death, reckoned by most analysts to be in the next few years. Please include an up to date C.V. and covering letter, or just come and randomly snog me at the Union.


In not-quite-news please do leave me comments on my posts. It lets me know you care.

In "news", I intend on widening the scope of my religious pisstakery by mocking the following sacred texts: The Bible, The Tora, That thing the Mormons read, Quaker Faith and Practice, The God Delusion and whatever it is that gets Buddhists, Hindus and Zoroastrians off on their little spiritual wank trips. Basically, I figure if I fuck everyone off then nobody can accuse me of persecution. If time permits I may also give the Koran a kicking, but Islam has already felt the sharp edge of my tongue so I'll save it till last.

In final news: arg.

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