Wednesday 17 October 2007

F.A.I.L.

There are a number of interpretations of the events I have just experienced.

1.) I thought a lovely young lady was coming onto me. I was wrong. I made myself vulnerable. FAIL.

2.) I thought a lovely young lady was coming onto me. I was right. At some point she changed her mind. I did not follow suit. FAIL.

3.) I thought a lovely young lady was coming onto me. I was right. But both she and I were to shit scared to properly make ourselves vulnerable, so we botched it. FAIL.


In my defence, I was lovely, kind, nice, friendly and (I thought) attuned to the signs. However, my inbuilt capacity for avoiding vulnerability like plague, and my total lack of self worth, precluded me from making "the move". Perhaps, therefore, I missed the moment and if so I am sorry. However, once you started talking about which one of your exes you thought was best to go back to I thought, perhaps, the moment had passed. So, if only out of curiosity, I asked:

Me: Did I really misread this or was there something between you and me this evening?
You: No. What? Are you joking?
Me: No
You: But you are, aren't you? Putting it on?
Me: No
You: Your putting it on, I know you are
Me: No
You: But you are really?
Me: Can we change the subject?

FAIL

But, despite your protestations, what I sense is really a reluctance to actually be intimate or vulnerable with anyone. I am the same. I'm sorry if I got this shit wrong - frankly, the rules to this game are really weird. I just hope for your and my sake that we didn't miss something good out of mutual fear or, more likely, my colossal ineptitude.

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