Saturday 24 November 2007

Originally a facebook note

I know these days it is deeply untrendy to say anything positive about google but, hey, I am deeeply untrendy. I'm so untrendy I use the word 'trendy' to denote things which are cool, hip, with it or fashionable. Anyway, I have recently decided that, however shit they may be at being ethical, Google's search engine can answer almost any question or find anything you want. It recently found for me inspiration and the secret of true happiness (read previous note). Tody I asked it some questions...

First, I wanted to know if things are getting better or worse. So i typed in "things are getting better" and then "things are getting worse" into google. 'Better' won by 396,000 hits to 126,000 - an astonishing three to one.

Then I simply asked google 'Will everything be alright?' It's answer? First hit: everything will be alright (by the killers). So, yes, apparently it will.

Then I asked "what should I do now?" which brought up a link for a law training course and one for how to become a teacher - incidentally the two professions I am currently considering.
Finally I asked google 'Who am I?'. Sadly the answer is 'Will Young'.

I'll also put this on my shitty blog (lovablefuckwit.blogspot.com) because I am a vain, pretensious man.

Sunday 11 November 2007

No.
OK.
She shuts the window. The whore.


But WHY! WHY ALL THE ORANGEY GOODNESS! IT'S NOT PART OF ME... BUT... BUT... IT'S GROWING FROM ME!!!


Edit: I'd just like to thank David Quin for this wonderfully surreal schoolboying of my blog, which will remain as a testament to the man's absurd talent and talent for the absurd.

Saturday 10 November 2007

Romeo and Juliet were a pair of whiney emo cunts

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Tuesday 6 November 2007

Rubella

I have Rubella. This horrific-sounding illness is actually nothing more than a mild annoyance - rash, tiredness, feeling under the weather. Sadly, however, I haven't been able to leave the house for fuking days because, as long as I am contagious, I could infect pregnant mothers/unborn babies, potentially killing the latter.

I am therefore a temporary social pariah. I would be less fucked off about this if Rubella was not the third of the 'MMR' diseases that I have caught since getting the MMR jab. I can only conclude that eitherA.) My immune system is fucking shit B.) The vaccine I was given was fucking shit or C.) At some point before I got the MMR, I was given a vaccine that made me immune to other vaccines.

I'd just like to point out I think the MMR and vaccines in general are good things, and I don't think my personal experience is indicative of the norm. I do, however, have a bizarre immune system. I never catch flu - or at least haven't yet. This is despite being repeatedly exposed to the flu virus through members of my family. That's right - diseases you can't become immune to, like flu, I'm fine with, but diseases I have been officially immunised against laugh in my face and infect me.

This all correlates closely with an observation I have made: nothing in my life makes any sense. I have sprogged, married and divorced at the age of 23. I am a politics student who believes politics is pointless. I regularly attend socials for societies that are not my own. I have six arms.

Oh, and I'd like to say hello to our newest reader, Eve Ka.

Much love to my homies, etc.