It's over, punk

Okay, I am (sort of) discontinuing this, as I am starting a new blog which is more firmly attacked to my journalism-y stuff, and which shall be devoid of emo whining.

Find my latest crime against nature at outoflooroll.blogspot.com.

Avid readers will notice that I will occasionally steal stuff what I already wrote off of here and post it in my new b log. Shhh, though. It'll be out little secret.

Oh, and i may return here occasionally to be whiny and emo, in contravention of my new year's resolution.

In which Jon criticises yet another work written by somebody evidently better than him

On this occasion, I have chosen to mock Yeats' seminal work 'The Second Coming'. I shall do so mainly by taking it litterally.

Seminal, like semen.


Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Then shout louder.

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Shoddy design.

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

Insufficient respect for anarchy

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

The worst are always full of passionate intensity. that is what makes them so very shit.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.

Yes, surely. You, alone, of all of the billions of people who have always, throughout time, thought the world was about to end, are right. How very prescient of you. And now, a meagre century later, you have been proven so very right, haven't you? Twunt.

The Second Coming!
Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi

http://www.phreeow.net/wiki/tiki-index.php?page=Spiritus+Mundi

Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,

Obviously.

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.

Fucking livid they were.

The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep

Not confined by your own historical context are we, Yeats? 'Sleeping' is definitely what the world did for two millennia after Jesus . Buy a fucking history book.

Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Look, what with it's body of a lizard and head of a man, and our knowledge of it's general direction of travel, this beast seems rather easy to identify and stop. Particularly as it's method of ambulation is 'slouching' one of the less graceful and efficient forms of movement. Quit whining and fucking sort it you pretentious twat.



That's it. sorry.

It's that time of year again

No, nopt fucking Christmas. Thats weeks away. It is instead the time of year when all of my pissfucking essays get piled into a 3 day period. And I am sorely demotivated about them.

I can't be bothered to rant right now, so just slap yourselves sharply once in the face to create broadly the same effect.

Pisswitch.

Lots of love,
Me

Originally a facebook note

I know these days it is deeply untrendy to say anything positive about google but, hey, I am deeeply untrendy. I'm so untrendy I use the word 'trendy' to denote things which are cool, hip, with it or fashionable. Anyway, I have recently decided that, however shit they may be at being ethical, Google's search engine can answer almost any question or find anything you want. It recently found for me inspiration and the secret of true happiness (read previous note). Tody I asked it some questions...

First, I wanted to know if things are getting better or worse. So i typed in "things are getting better" and then "things are getting worse" into google. 'Better' won by 396,000 hits to 126,000 - an astonishing three to one.

Then I simply asked google 'Will everything be alright?' It's answer? First hit: everything will be alright (by the killers). So, yes, apparently it will.

Then I asked "what should I do now?" which brought up a link for a law training course and one for how to become a teacher - incidentally the two professions I am currently considering.
Finally I asked google 'Who am I?'. Sadly the answer is 'Will Young'.

I'll also put this on my shitty blog (lovablefuckwit.blogspot.com) because I am a vain, pretensious man.

No.
OK.
She shuts the window. The whore.


But WHY! WHY ALL THE ORANGEY GOODNESS! IT'S NOT PART OF ME... BUT... BUT... IT'S GROWING FROM ME!!!


Edit: I'd just like to thank David Quin for this wonderfully surreal schoolboying of my blog, which will remain as a testament to the man's absurd talent and talent for the absurd.

Romeo and Juliet were a pair of whiney emo cunts

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Rubella

I have Rubella. This horrific-sounding illness is actually nothing more than a mild annoyance - rash, tiredness, feeling under the weather. Sadly, however, I haven't been able to leave the house for fuking days because, as long as I am contagious, I could infect pregnant mothers/unborn babies, potentially killing the latter.

I am therefore a temporary social pariah. I would be less fucked off about this if Rubella was not the third of the 'MMR' diseases that I have caught since getting the MMR jab. I can only conclude that eitherA.) My immune system is fucking shit B.) The vaccine I was given was fucking shit or C.) At some point before I got the MMR, I was given a vaccine that made me immune to other vaccines.

I'd just like to point out I think the MMR and vaccines in general are good things, and I don't think my personal experience is indicative of the norm. I do, however, have a bizarre immune system. I never catch flu - or at least haven't yet. This is despite being repeatedly exposed to the flu virus through members of my family. That's right - diseases you can't become immune to, like flu, I'm fine with, but diseases I have been officially immunised against laugh in my face and infect me.

This all correlates closely with an observation I have made: nothing in my life makes any sense. I have sprogged, married and divorced at the age of 23. I am a politics student who believes politics is pointless. I regularly attend socials for societies that are not my own. I have six arms.

Oh, and I'd like to say hello to our newest reader, Eve Ka.

Much love to my homies, etc.